I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
