How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
