life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
