he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
