i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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