dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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