highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
