I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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