About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
