just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize