he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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