I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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