U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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