so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
3pm strippers are depressing
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
