I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
