i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
