you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
