Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
