one two three fourrrrnication!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Still dying that you shit outside
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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