someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
