She is in my trunk
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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