He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
