Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
