and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
