I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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