Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
