I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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