Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
