if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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