My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
