I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
