meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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