We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
