rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
