i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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