I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
