bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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