are you still at the devil's house?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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