Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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