Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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