the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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