That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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