I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
