TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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