Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
