It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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