Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
