why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It's blow job season.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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