I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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