we have officially lost it.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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