she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
