Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
