So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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