ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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