i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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