So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
