its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
do herpes really smell.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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