That's intense
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
