OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Even my vagina gasped.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
