you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Who died my cat blue again?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
im on a boat
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