Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
