How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
