There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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