I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
